marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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