remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Come on in and take your pants off
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