You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
