i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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