i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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