I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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