i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
