update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
