Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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