We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
