I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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