next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize