I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize