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are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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