A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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