So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
