I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
