I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
