i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
