my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
