At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
