there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
