a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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