they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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