So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
