walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
