the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
