i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
