I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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