Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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