think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
