i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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