Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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