Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
