Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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