I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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