Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
