Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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