I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
