textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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