i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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