So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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