So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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