Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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