i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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