Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
