My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
