We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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