Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think my moral compass just broke
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