Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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