woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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