I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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