I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
