his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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