I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
