Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize