So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
