Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
