im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
