i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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