I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
