When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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