I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
