Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize