this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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