my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
