Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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