in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
