dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
