Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
as a side note pls kill me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
